Me being me

Assalamualaikum wbt

Beberapa hari ini, aku mudah terusik. Lumrah manusia, inginkan perhatian. Hakikatnya, sentiasa ada yang peduli tetapi kita singkirkan. Mengejar sesuatu yang tidak pasti.

Then, suddenly I realized, why or when did I stop doing something that really put me into the state of happinness?

Writing, reading, listening to music, arts, literature.. those times were gone when I was trying to catch something were not mean to be mine.

When I was being ignore, many times I told myself that, I deserved to be ignored.
Tiada milik kita. Hati kita sendiri pun bukan milik kita. Dan teringatlah aku ke pangkuan mak. Mak yang akan memikirkan tentangku selalu. Risau, tawa dan tangisnya kerana aku.

Do you still want to get trap on these feelings? Where all the worries will not guarantee worth your time.

Mak, maafkan anakmu ini.

Masih terbayang alir air mata bapa, untuk tidak meletakkan hati kepada mana-mana lelaki, kerana dia adalah seorang lelaki yang tahu, adakalanya dia sendiri tidak dapat mengelak daripada melukai hati mak. Ego. Diam. Angan. Dan dunia sendirinya itu, membuat mak menangis.

Kerana aku bukan mak, many times I conviced myself, "no more crying, time will pass eventually".

Kadang, memberi peluang kepada diri sendiri lebih utama. Relationship is not for all.

I'll back as Laila Hijjera Mustamin as before. Believe me. I got some pms regarding my post on this blog, will come as soon as possible, and reply all those pms.

Thank you.